FEAR OF TUNA

Alex RevOolex

Meet Alex, a gentleman of the finest sort. Close personal friend of the internet and part-wolf, he wanders the digital and corporeal plains in search of awesome.

 I met Alex when I was but a green young noob, through a friend who met him on the Twitter. Not knowing what to expect from the tweet-up, I experienced a flash-mob of Mother’s Warnings camping out in my mind, anxiously whispering about the creeps one meets through social networking sites. 

Enter Oolex.  Within five minutes the conversation was as easy as falling down and with only minimal deviant behaviour.  Deviant behaviour and conversation increased exponentially as the night wore on.

Things to note about Alex:

1. He will laugh at your stupid questions, he will mock them. He will look quizzically and pityingly at you for asking them. Then he will answer them. If alcohol has been consumed, the time between laughter and tutorial is longer.
2. Alex is the most fun person to be drunk with.
3. He has his own language. It is a complex hybrid that borrows from Wolf, Wizard, the internet and AutoCorrect and is only applicable to Alex Situations. When used incorrectly, ( i.e. Non-Alex Situations) people look confused. *
4. He says very funny things. I have had no less than two sorts of beverage come out my nose as a result of his funny. Both were delicious and I missed them when they were gone.
5. His affinity for wolves extends to all things furry. He likes dogs and in my books this gives you shiny pants and a super-power.  He spends many a happy hour on the dunes with his own fuzzy pooch, listening to music and mad-dogging that bad old moon.
6. He is a wizard. He manifests happy people, and not the kind of happy whose nipple you want to twist until it cries. Not fucking chipper and gleeful. Pleasant. He manifests pleasant and interesting people. And Dale.
7. He gives the best hugs. Seriously. A hug from Alex is like catching one of those 1up mushrooms from Mario Bros. You go all WoooobWooobWoop and feel pretty good about yourself for a while.
8. He makes good music, and listens to good music, and hangs out with Good Music. I wouldn’t go so far as to say Good Music is his bitch, but I do believe they enjoy a healthy relationship based on trust, mutual respect and long walks on the dunes. (see point 5)
9. Alex knows the best places to go to watch a sunset. He actually knows so much stuff. I think this has to do with him being a wizard. (see point 6)
10. He knows EVERYBODY. (see point 6)
11. He attracts girls. Like John Travolta in Michael, he exudes the smell of baking cookies, and safety. Incredibly beautiful girls are drawn to him. He must be the best wingman. I wish I was a single guy cos it would like shooting fish in a barrel.
12. He says he has no soul, but he’s got a lot of soul...

Alex can be reached in a number of ways. The interweb is where he spends most of his time, and messaging applications work just fine for those after hours convo needs.

*The addition of “pops” to my everyday vernac’ has been a life-saver. In the classroom, if I bump my leg on a desk corner as I often do, there is no need to mute my “Pops” exclamation.  I also feel this will come in handy around the time of family Christmas get-togethers.